Conversations
by whatsyourpathology
Summary: A series of conversations between loved ones and family. Started out on Tumblr, posting it here now.
1. Tombstones and Whiskey

**Introduction**

The origins of these stories are a function of technological curiosity rather than anything else. Of course, the initial glimmers of these stories lie within moments in episodes, too small and too ethereal, for them to have become anything more than just fleeting thoughts on the canvas of the mind. Luckily, it would seem, Tumblr is built for this exact kind of ephemeral idea spit-balling. These conversations, I initially thought, were too short and too insignificant for fanfiction net so I decided not to write them. But while playing around with one of Tumblr's post types, this initial story flowed right out, and the quite unexpected enthusiasm I received for a (very) short story featuring Tom and Matthew, along with the agitation of a few readers, prompted me, not only to write more, but to post them here. So if you subsequently enjoy these chapters, it would behoove you to track down **Andorra97** and **AmeriGirlTN** and thank them.

These first few chapters will feature conversations with the deceased, but who knows where it will go from there. These early chapters are all ostensibly in canon, although tonally may differ quite drastically. I may not stick to canon, I may dip into my own AU (how masturbatory is that?) or even into other people's AU's (I'll ask permission first). I will try to state at the beginning of each chapter in what timeline the chapters takes place in. Who knows, anything is possible.

And without further ado...

* * *

**Canon. Series 5, episode 7.**

**Tom:** Sorry, I haven't been around in a while.

**Matthew:** That's quite alright, you've been busy.

**Tom:** That's no excuse.

**Matthew:** You get used to it.

**Tom:** Don't say that.

**Matthew:** Why not?

**Tom:** Because we haven't. I haven't.

**Matthew:** Things will get better.

**Tom:** Things weren't at all better at dinner tonight.

**Matthew:** So I've gathered.

**Tom:** This? Oh, I thought you'd enjoy some.

**Matthew:** Well if you insist.

**Tom:** Here.

**Matthew:** Oof! That's rough.

**Tom:** Tyrconnell, you dream of this stuff when you're a lad.

**Matthew:** So what's bothering you?

**Tom:** Sybil... the Crawleys... you know... the usual stuff.

**Matthew:** You don't usually carry your pipe wrench around when it's the "usual stuff".

**Tom:** Larry Grey came to dinner tonight.

**Matthew:** That must've been fun.

**Tom:** Like a barrel of monkeys.

**Matthew:** Has he changed?

**Tom:** For the worse. Did you know your mother is marrying Lord Merton?

**Matthew:** No... this is the first I'm hearing of it.

**Tom:** Oh, I just thought Mary may have mentioned it.

**Matthew:** She doesn't, she doesn't come by quite as often anymore.

**Tom:** She's... she's had a lot on her mind lately.

**Matthew:** That fellow, what was his name? Tony?

**Tom:** We don't have to talk about it. She hasn't forgotten, despite what you may think. Despite how she's been. She's a great mother to George. She loves him dearly.

**Matthew:** I'm glad.

**Tom:** I'll bring her by some time.

**Matthew:** No, don't do that. If it hurts, it hurts. I don't want to cause her anymore more pain. In a way, I'm glad. I never wanted to her to spend the rest of her days in gloom.

**Tom:** You miss her...

**Matthew:** Desperately.

**Tom:** I miss... I miss... her too... How is she?

**Matthew:** Oh you know Sybil, everyone loves her.

**Tom:** Is she happy?

**Matthew:** Yes, very. It's in her nature to be.

**Tom:** Good.

**Matthew:** And she wouldn't want you to go through with what you're thinking. I know I'm going to sound like Robert saying this, but you've come so far. You have to let certain things slide.

**Tom:** It's not just about Sybil... It's about your mother as well.

**Matthew:** Oh.

**Tom:** You know I called him a bastard. Shocked everyone.

**Matthew:** Did they at least take your side?

**Tom:** Hesitantly.

**Matthew:** They've accepted you.

**Tom:** I suppose so.

**Matthew:** Then go back there and make the best of an awkward situation. You've done your duty, for both Sybil and my mother. Don't take this any further. Giving Larry Grey a crack across the head with that thing won't make you feel any better, despite what you think.

**Tom:** I know, that's probably why I came out here tonight. Besides, I'm much too drunk to put up a fight now.

**Matthew:** Good, then I've done my bit.

**Tom:** One more?

**Matthew:** No, I'm fine.

**Tom:** Come on.

**Matthew:** Alright, one more.

**Tom:** And I promise to drag Mary out here.

**Matthew:** Don't. She's too stubborn anyways.

**Tom:** Ha! You're not wrong about that.

_He pours the rest of the bottle onto the mound of dirt, soaking it and creating a strong stench of whiskey before placing his hand on the tombstone one last time, bidding Matthew farewell._


	2. Tombstones and Kisses

**Canon. Series 5, Episode 8.**

**Mary:** You're late.

**Matthew:** Sorry, meeting ran long.

**Mary:** How is your father?

**Matthew:** Well, you know how he is.

**Mary:** I don't, actually. Because you never talked about him.

**Matthew:** Now I know how it feels.

**Mary:** You think that's funny?

**Matthew:** Didn't mean to be glib.

**Mary:** Yes, you did.

**Matthew:** Alright, maybe I did.

**Mary:** I know what they think. I know what everyone thinks.

**Matthew:** Don't let them bother you.

**Mary:** How can I? It's infuriating.

**Matthew:** Is that why we're meeting?

**Mary:** Do I need a reason to visit you?

**Matthew:** Lately... yes.

**Mary:** Alright. I deserve that.

**Matthew:** No, you don't. And you need to stop thinking that. You can't let them dictate how you live your life. You didn't let them force you onto me when I was there. Don't let them force you to keep me when I'm here.

**Mary:** Oh Matthew, you always make everything so black and white.

**Matthew:** It is. In this case it is.

**Mary:** No, it's not. It never was, either. You know, the funny thing is, two years ago, everyone wanted me back.

**Matthew:** Well they were right then... You were wasting away.

**Mary:** Then you don't remember properly.

**Matthew:** I do. I remember everything... I remember every night, when the lights were out and all the servants all went to sleep, we would sneak into the great hall and dance. Like we did the first time. I remember every afternoon, when you, dressed in black, walked for hours with me around the whole estate. I remember every morning when you cried desperately and begged me not to go. God Mary, how could you think that I don't remember?

**Mary:** Because if you remembered! Because if you truly remembered, you would've known I would've stayed with you forever!

**Matthew:** But you couldn't.

**Mary:** Why not?! I was happy! I was happy with you!

**Matthew:** No, you weren't. You were grieving. It's not the same thing.

**Mary:** You know I still blame you for this.

**Matthew:** I know...

**Mary:** Oh god, not the accident. Ridiculous as that was.

**Matthew:** Then?

**Mary:** For making me choose. For making me choose between having you in my bed every night and seeing them every morning.

**Matthew:** Ghosts make poor bedfellows.

**Mary:** You were more than enough for me...

**Matthew:** Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.

**Mary:** Then why did you make me choose them?

**Matthew:** I didn't make you choose them. I made you choose George.

**Mary:** You always know what to say.

**Matthew:** Except for that first time, remember?

**Mary:** A bumbling idiot if I ever saw one.

**Matthew:** I've gotten a little better since then, haven't I?

**Mary:** Tremendously.

**Matthew:** Well, I needed to practice if I ever wanted to land you.

**Mary:** There were times. There are times... when...

**Matthew:** When what?

**Mary:** When I wish you hadn't.

**Matthew:** I think I understand.

**Mary:** Oh god, Matthew. It still hurts.

**Matthew:** I know, I told Tom not to bring you.

**Mary:** It'd be wrong for him to visit you more than me.

**Matthew:** To hell with what's right or wrong. You need to take care of yourself. If it hurts, don't come.

**Mary:** Why are you so bent on pushing me away?

**Matthew:** Because it hurts me too...

**Mary:** Hurt. That's what it is. That's what made us special.

**Matthew:** Ha! I suppose so. Yes, I can see that.

**Mary:** I suppose, it's been a while. How is Sybil?

**Matthew:** She's doing well. You needn't worry about her.

**Mary:** I should visit her too.

**Matthew:** She'd like that.

**Mary:** And Lavinia?

**Matthew:** Mary... nothing happens here. Nothing ever happens here.

**Mary:** I'm awful.

**Matthew:** You want me to ask you about Tony.

**Mary:** Am I that obvious?

**Matthew:** Was I not your husband once?

**Mary:** You are... You are still my husband.

**Matthew:** Is that why you're here? Absolution?

**Mary:** Was it wrong?

**Matthew:** It's wrong for you to ask.

**Mary:** That's not an answer.

**Matthew:** What do you want me to say, Mary? Do you want me to tell you it hurts? Yes, it hurts very much. The mere thought of you with another man cripples me. But if you're asking me to ask you to stop, I can't do that.

**Mary:** Yes you can!

**Matthew:** Then I won't. I won't drag you back here. However much I want to.

**Mary:** Then you must not want it enough.

**Matthew:** I loved you. I've always loved you. Even until this very moment, I love you still. So don't try to guilt me, Mary.

**Mary:** It was worth a shot.

**Matthew:** Don't be so desperate. It doesn't suit you.

**Mary:** You don't know what suits me these days.

**Matthew:** I hear you're back to your old self. The glamorous and beautiful, Lady Mary Crawley. Something about a horse race?

**Mary:** Ah yes, all smiles and winks on the outside. Not a care in the world. They think I'm so witty and unconquerable. But you figured me out.

**Matthew:** It wasn't the simple task you're making it out to be.

**Mary:** I had a dream the night after. You were there, making conversation with everyone in the tent, stuffing your face full of strawberries, holding Sybbie as you both cheered me on.

**Matthew:** I know, I helped you practice.

**Mary:** You and that god-awful pistol.

**Matthew:** It was nice... being a part of your life again.

**Mary:** They aren't you, you know.

**Matthew:** Mary, you don't need to say that.

**Mary:** I know I don't need to say it. I'm saying it anyways. I loved you, I love you still, and I doubt I will ever love a man half as much as I love you.

**Matthew:** Mary...

**Mary:** I know you're afraid to believe me. I would be too.

**Matthew:** Mary, don't...

**Mary:** No, I'm sorry, but I won't listen. I've had a lot of time to think. And... I don't care what they say. These three years have not been what I wanted. You have to be, you need to be a part of my life again. This mask is too heavy. I can't wear it much for longer.

**Matthew:** And here I thought you had forgotten all about me. I had feared... and hoped... that you had moved on.

**Mary:** Even now, you misunderstand me. Will we ever stop doing that?

**Matthew:** We're getting better at it.

**Mary:** I agree. And I want to keep working on it.

**Matthew:** I hate that you expect me to be the responsible one in all of this. As if your proposition must, by virtue of this... all of this.. fall on deaf ears. Well dead men can still be irrational. Dead men can still love. The truth is, the honest truth is, I want it too.

**Mary:** But you're afraid.

**Matthew:** Desperately. I can't risk you harming yourself.

**Mary:** And if I say I won't? That I'm over that. That I want something else, something better with you.

**Matthew:** Convince me.

**Mary:** ...

**Matthew:** Convince me again.

* * *

**A/N:** I'll admit this one kinda went off the rails a bit. I mapped it out while downing one too many whiskeys. When I was done writing, I was like "did they just get back together?" Shook my head and just posted it. Because the ending is definitely not canon. But then again, there's an allusion to one of my other stories in here so...


End file.
